I am a meat eating veget,arian, I am a book burning librarian I am a civilized barbarian a misanthropical humanitarian Eating an empty bowl of cherries and swimming in a dry aquarium I reach my long lost destination and then Quickly get back on the bus again I am and I am not what I thought I am a violent pacifist, I am a government supporting anarchist I am a red commie capitalist , stone cold sober and always pissed I am an open fist, butt ugly but so well kissed I am a rebellious conformist, Chubby Checker without a twist I am and I am not what I thought I am Sam I am choking on my own green eggs and ham I am an expired infinity, I am a whored virginity I am a blasphemous divinity, 4/5 of a trinity I am repellent affinity, standing sit-and-spinity Cloaked in clever dim wittity, I'm stalled in my transitity I am and I am not what I thought That I bought, when I caught that bouncing white dot That I fought what I got, getting hot just a jot On my cot, cast a lot for the Mott's, but not what I ought You know the pot of kumquats that would rot like a sot That was shot off a teeter tot wot? What what what what? I am and I am not I am an I am not....

When you discover the moon's a hoax – it's made of crackers not cheese And you can't coax one last ace from your sleeve When answer D – none of the above – is always your choice Set sail for the Isle of Misfit Toys And when the voices prate from a crowd that won't lift And you've no more bait to catch any drifts When the pelicans' gait becomes your ideal of poise Set sail for the Isle of Misfit Toys When you've made a rubber stamp so you can mark the exact day she went away And you dress your lamp in negligee When your firm resolve gets a cramp as you recall her voice Set sail for the Isle of Misfit Toys And when there're no more rags upon which to claim dibs And you wave a white flag you once wore as a bib When the current drags you down into a sea of white noise Set sail for the Isle of Misfit Toys

Me and Pooh were muggin' in 100 Acre Wood, It started to rain there was a terrible flood. We climbed into Pooh's umbrella boat and to the Gloomy Place, we did float. We found Eeyore on a raft of sticks, he said: “To you, a tail is just a little bit extra at the back, “Jack, as for me, farewell, I'm off to find a proper tail in the land where the word is mum.” As we watched him sail away, Pooh started to hum: Eeyore's become Bisy Backson Yeah, Bisy Backson Bisy Backson Yeah, Bisy Backson Don't forget me Me and Pooh, we were on the prowl, When we spotted our friends Rabbit and Owl. They were climbing into the basket of a hot air balloon, “Ah,” said Pooh, “going up for a little honey, I presume.” “Hm, you presume indeed,” said Owl with a bit of a huff. Then added Rabbit, “We're going somewhere where their heads are not just filled with fluff.” And as we watched them sail off into the sky, Pooh started to hum, I knew the reason why, he was hummin' they had become Bisy Backson Yeah, Bisy Backson Bisy Backson Yeah, Bisy Backson Don't forget me Me and Pooh were making some Cottleston Pie, We decided to find our friend Piglet and give him some pie to try. We found Piglet on his way out, he said, “No need to shout, “no need to pout, I'll tell you what this is all about. “You know, I'm tired of hunting Heffalumps and playing Poohsticks “I'm meant for Very Grand Things, I wanna go somewhere where they cry: Ho Piglet, gallant Piglet!” And as we watched him set off into the setting sun, Pooh said to me sadly, “I never thought Piglet too would become” Bisy Backson Yeah, Bisy Backson Bisy Backson Yeah, Bisy Backson Don't forget me Well, you go to see who you can be and then you go to see who you can be and then you go to see who you can be and then you go to see who you can be and then you go to see who you can be and then you be, then you be, then you be B-B-B-B-B-Bisy Backson Yeah, Bisy Backson Don't forget me

They were on their way to the Witch's haunt - Toto, Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion They had specific instructions from the Wizard himself - to get that hag's broom they were tryin' When from out of the sky like a Luftwaffe strike the winged monkeys they came flyin' They ripped up Scarecrow, snatched away Dorothy and in the distance you could hear an eerie cryin' Well the Tin Man and the Lion they got old Scarecrow stuffed again like new Then they rushed on off to save Dorothy, from up top a cliff they took a view Down below was the witch's castle but it was guarded by her menacing crew And our three heroes looked at each other wondering what they should do (and the guards cried) Well three guards had snuck up from behind and they ambushed our unsuspecting friends But they didn't realize they were tangling with three dire misfits out to make amends Well the Lion he put up his dukes, the Scarecrow pulled a needle out of the haystack The Tin Man he took up his axe and then those three went on counter attack (and the guards cried) Soon our three heroes had themselves disguised in their vanquished foes' gear Then they saw their chance and quickly joined the marching guard at the rear Lion worried about his tail giving them away - Tin Man was afraid his legs were making a din But as the drawbridge closed loudly behind, they managed to sneak on in (and with the guards they cried) Well, they dropped off from the end of the line and Toto lead them up up up up some stairs When they came to a door they cried out: “Hey, Dorothy are you in there?” She was but she was in a bind, locked tight in that green hag's room And the red sand in the hourglass was signaling poor Dorothy's doom (and the guards cried) When a hectoring of fear gets rattling your gears And you feel you'll fall apart Just remember the Tin Man and take your trusty axe in hand And find a bit of heart, and find yourself some heart... With heart indeed the Tin Man took up his axe and chop chop chopped that door in And then they grabbed Dorothy and were chased by those guards, all around the castle they did spin But with water Dorothy shrunk that witch – “I'm melting! Melting!” they watched her melt away Then the guards all marched them out of the castle in a great big victory parade (and they sang)

Little Jacky Horny he's sittin' in the corner of an over-crowded cell Hi ho the dairy's foreclosed so goes it for the farmer in the dell Sorry Cinderella your Fairy Godmother ain't comin' she sold out she's on MTV Old Mother Hubburd what'd'you mean there's no bone in your cupboard now your old dog's lookin' at me (Got his eye on my shin, guess I'm getting' kinda thin) Old King Cole that merry old soul got everyone's head on the choppin' block The Big Bad Wolf came back and blew up the house now he's selling pork belly stock They say there's too much hickory dickory comin' through the docks – meanwhile Mickey Mice are running up all the clocks (Did you hear about that ol' White Rabbit – he hocked his watch for a dime – said he's through with time – I'm with that furry brother) The Butcher, the Baker and the Candlestick Maker – they're playing every night for the Los Angeles Lakers That frog's no prince – he's a faker - (But you go ahead and kiss him anyway – it'll probably do you some good) And the little piggie's gonna be cryin'... Little Miss Muffit – she better tough it – she's pukin' up her curds and whey Little Bo Peep said: ma, forget the sheep – it's polyester not wool now that pays Goldilocks she had the pox – now all those bears are dead The tourists all flock to Jack's beanstock – they're charging ten bucks a head (Jack and co. are all living high up in the giant's spread now) And that little piggie's gonna be cryin' real soon... Humpty Dumpty feelin' kinda grumpy, he bumped, he chumped, he Forest Gumped, He pumped, and humped and rumped And mumped and lumped and then jumped And the little piggie cried wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee all the way home...