Little Jacky Horny he's sittin' in the corner of an over-crowded cell
Hi ho the dairy's foreclosed so goes it for the farmer in the dell
Sorry Cinderella your Fairy Godmother ain't comin' she sold out she's on MTV
Old Mother Hubburd what'd'you mean there's no bone in your cupboard now your old dog's lookin' at me
(Got his eye on my shin, guess I'm getting' kinda thin)

Old King Cole that merry old soul got everyone's head on the choppin' block
The Big Bad Wolf came back and blew up the house now he's selling pork belly stock
They say there's too much hickory dickory comin' through the docks –
meanwhile Mickey Mice are running up all the clocks
(Did you hear about that ol' White Rabbit – he hocked his watch for a dime – said he's through with time – I'm with that furry brother)

The Butcher, the Baker and the Candlestick Maker – they're playing every night for the Los Angeles Lakers
That frog's no prince – he's a faker -
(But you go ahead and kiss him anyway – it'll probably do you some good)

And the little piggie's gonna be cryin'...

Little Miss Muffit – she better tough it – she's pukin' up her curds and whey
Little Bo Peep said: ma, forget the sheep – it's polyester not wool now that pays
Goldilocks she had the pox – now all those bears are dead
The tourists all flock to Jack's beanstock – they're charging ten bucks a head
(Jack and co. are all living high up in the giant's spread now)

And that little piggie's gonna be cryin' real soon...

Humpty Dumpty feelin' kinda grumpy, he bumped, he chumped, he Forest Gumped,
He pumped, and humped and rumped
And mumped and lumped and then jumped
And the little piggie cried wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee all the way home...